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Sunday
Dec052010

Welcome To The Neighborhood!

I recently moved into a new neighborhood.  During the month before the actual move I spent some time cleaning and upgrading the new house.  Each time I arrived in the driveway there was always one of the nearby neighbors either departing or arriving in their own driveway and they would stare at me.  I knew they were assessing me.  Wondering if I would be a worthy neighbor.  I was doing the same.  I was wondering if I would like the neighborhood as much as I liked the house.

 

Then on D-Day, when I finally arrived with a carload of breakable treasures and the moving truck behind me, they came across, one by one, to introduce themselves and welcome me to the neighborhood.  

 

That was when I really began to like the neighborhood I'd chosen to stay in.  It didn't matter that they might have come out of curiosity rather than to extend a welcome.  The fact that they had come at all was what mattered.

 

The houses around me took on a new life.  They weren't just stucco and shingles and shuttered windows.  They were filled with the chatter and laughter of people and these people; these neighbors, were the ones who had made me feel a part of their community by taking the trouble to meet and greet me.  

 

It made me realize that no matter how private we like to be in our lives and how much we all seek our little spot of privacy; it is nice to know your neighbor.

 

To all those who would watch someone move into their neighborhood from afar, don't be afraid to step up to the door and ring the bell and let them know who you are. Smile and shake hands and welcome them.

 

It truly makes a difference to the newcomer's first night in a strange house and neighborhood.  

Wednesday
Nov102010

My Son's Wedding Day

On the eve of a beautiful day in October this year my son became a husband.  The day started and ended with wall to wall blue sky and brilliant sunshine.  On that special day my son's happiness was paramount to me and when I walked down the isle on my husband's arm towards my son waiting for his bride, I felt incredibly proud that he was my son.  He looked handsome and distinguished and every bit the calm, unflappable man I had had a hand in guiding to maturity. 

 

I know without a doubt that he will be the best husband that he can be and that the vows he took that  day, are vows from the heart and taken with the utmost sincerity and love for the young woman who accepted his proposal and agreed to marry him just over a year ago. I know too, that he will respect her as he has always respected me and that his giving, kind heart and remarkable strength of character will always show through with love and support for his wife no matter what twists and turns their life together may take.

 

To my son, I wish you all the happiness you deserve. To my new daughter, I warmly welcome you into our family.

 

     

Tuesday
Nov092010

A Truly Loving Parent

Following on my article in my journal entitled "The Joy of Parenting", I thought I should clarify the difference between a parent who remains loving and caring of their adult children and a parent whose love and caring becomes interfering and manipulative.  Some parents selfishly believe they have every right to run the lives of their grown children. They disguise their selfishness in the cloak of "I'm only thinking of your wellbeing" attitude when they interfere and manipulate and they even convince themselves that what they are doing is the right thing for their child.

 

When a child becomes an adult, especially one well into their twenties, trying to get them to do things the parent's way by manipulation and often times outright blackmail, shows the parent's immaturity more than their child's. Adult children should be able to make their own decisions and if these decisions are not their parent's way of doing things, the parent should let it go, unless it is very harmful to their child's health, because if they don't, they are trying to act as their child's crutch and in so doing, they're not being responsible parents.

 

Interfering, manipulative parents voice their opinion regardless as to whether they have been asked and don't care one ounce about their offspring's feelings.  Their need to have their own feelings, needs, desires and aspirations satisfied are paramount and all that count. 

 

They see their way as the only way because it makes them feel good and they seldom stop to think that their actions upset and hurt their children. Oftentimes, sadly, their manipulation is subtle in the form of tiny prods here and there.  They're always grabbing the steering wheel and steering their children in the direction they want them to go.

 

Loving parents let go and don't step on their child's stage of life.  They remain in the wings to offer words of encouragement or comfort or a "safety net" and only give advice when asked.

 

The balance between a loving parent voicing an opinion and an interfering parent is a fine one.  In my opinion, if you can discern the difference and use it to bring happiness to your child, you've made the grade as a parent.  A truly loving parent.

 

P.S.  The above article is dedicated to my late mother.  A woman who never interfered, ever; before or after I married.  Thank you Mom

.

 

 

Thursday
Sep162010

The Joy Of Being A Parent

It is true that until you are a parent you have no idea what the meaning of having and loving and caring for a child really is.  From conception to birth to forever your children are embedded in your heart and your life.  Everything they do has meaning to you.  When they suffer, you suffer, when they are happy you are happy.  Most often these emotions are endured or experienced inwardly in silence across the chambers of your mind and in the depths of your soul.

 

It is impossible to describe to them what you really feel.  They will only know when they have children of their own.   A loving parent's feelings towards his/her own children are unique but I think that feelings towards all children take on a new dimension in the transformation to parenthood. 

 

I remember a teacher friend of mine who told me how differently she looked upon the children she taught after she, herself, became a parent.  Her demands and expectations of children and their parents were infinitely more fine-tuned. 

 

Understand that I am not saying that a childless teacher has less understanding of children than a teacher who has children but that it is a different understanding of children. Again, only those who have children of their own, whom they love deeply, can fully comprehend what I am referring to.  

 

All in all, when God gives the gift of a child to parents, they enjoy blessings so wondrous that no matter what the tribulations that come with the grand responsibility of parenting, the bond between them and their child remains a powerful and magical force. 

 

Tuesday
Aug172010

When Customer Service and Common Sense Meet

Last year I wrote an article entitled "Customer Service Should Be Common Sense".  I mentioned that customer service was the "vanguard of any business" and that customer services means "being genuinely engaged with your customer, smiling, giving, forgiving and pleasing".

 

When I had my own business, everything revolved around making my customers' experience the best I could, both for their satisfaction and my satisfaction, because if they were completely satisfied with the service I offered and gave, then I was satisfied.  Not only monetarily but also inwardly, at the heart.     

 

I wrote the article because I had often experienced some really rotten customer service and was frustrated that customer service just didn't seem to come naturally to some people and that common sense and customer service seemed light years apart.

 

Last week I had the immense pleasure of experiencing customer service at its rewarding best.  It gave me "heart" to know that there are still some people out there who know instinctively how to treat their most valuable asset, their customer/client. 

 

My son is getting married in a couple of months and I have been searching for a suitable "mother of the groom" gown.  None seemed to "pop" until along came this copper colored taffeta with its shutter pleats and elegant bolero. It was perfect in every way except it was just too tight around the hips and the departmental store confirmed that they did not have a bigger size.  My seamstress assured me that unless she had two of the same she could not perform the miracle I was wanting by adding to the one.

 

In desperation I emailed the company who manufactured the label on the dress to see if they actually made the style in the size I needed.  That is when I got to know Bob, the vice president.  He confirmed that it was not made in a bigger size in a missy.  This is when most people like the sales associate at the store, end their customer service.  Not Bob.  He took the service up a notch.  He told me that it was made in plus sizes and said if a plus size could work for me he could help me. 

 

I was delighted because it would be much easier for my seamstress to "take in" a larger garment than build one out of two and less expensive for me too.

 

Several emails later Bob introduced me to Kathryn.  She was the buyer of his retail client and she was able to search all the departmental stores in her group to find the gown in a plus size.  After a few emails and telephone calls were exchanged between us she excitedly told me that she had located the gown in Ohio and would have it shipped to my home in Florida.

 

I have just returned from my first fitting at the gallery who specialize in miracle alterations and I am extremely happy with the perfect fit of this lovely gown.   

 

Bob and Kathryn's willingness to go out of their way to make me and my special day happy is not only impressive but it makes customer service shine brilliantly and that definitely needs to be in the spotlight.  Thank you to both of you for your common sense approach to customer service.

Monday
Jul052010

Family, Friends and Friendship

When you leave a country and start a new life in another one across the ocean, some 10,000 miles way, you never really realize or fully understand, at the time, just how much you will miss your family and friends.  You may argue that you will go back often to visit your family and friends and they will visit you but some 10,000 miles is a long way away and a very expensive plane journey.  In my case it is 20 hours by plane if I include travelling from Florida to New York to take the 18 hour international flight.  This actual flying time does not include airport check-in and waiting times; those can easily add on another 6 to 7 hours.

 

If any of your friends or family do visit it will be a brief one during which time they will be recovering from jetlag, be dashing to theme parks and sight seeing. It will never replace the frequent telephone calls and impromptu home visits when you lived in the same or nearby city.  The times you called a family member or friend on a Saturday morning and said: "how about coming over for a barbeque tonight" and then, after a great time together at the barbeque, you would call a couple of days later and say: "remember our talk at the barbeque about that new boutique in the mall, how about us doing breakfast and that store together."

 

I got a text message from my brother and sister-in-law on Sunday May 30th saying they were watching the Comrades Marathon on television and it just wasn't the same without us there.  For years I'd had had a champagne breakfast on Comrades Marathon day under umbrellas in our garden for about 25 people and thinking about these times, I immediately felt incredibly nostalgic. 

 

A few weeks ago some friends of ours of some 26 years, called to say they were in Florida for a week and could we meet for a few hours.  They were visiting family in Ft. Lauderdale and we agreed to meet in Ft. Pierce, the half-way mark between the two of us.

 

Not knowing where to go for lunch we agreed to meet just off the I-95 and decide from there.  As it turned out, "just off the highway" was a trucker's stop called "Country Market" and it had clean restrooms, a charming restaurant and an appetizing buffet and we all agreed to look no further. 

 

We slid into a booth, ordered something cool to drink for each of us and between serving ourselves from the buffet, we didn't stop talking for five hours.  We were oblivious to anyone and anything around us.  We caught up on each other's lives, remembered other times we were together, built businesses and solved the world's problems.  Most of all though, we shared laughter and a camaraderie that only longtime friends could enjoy because of a friendship foundation built long ago.  That friendship was taken up as if there had never been years since we last were in contact beyond a few emails per year and the yearly Christmas Card.  It truly was a memorable day!

 

Those of you who do not have to rely exclusively on expensive air travel and can visit friends and family by car in another City or State, take a brief moment to give thanks for having them close enough so that four wheels will get you there.  It really is very painful to have family and old friends across the ocean, some 10,000 miles away and be unable to see them for 10 years or more at a time.

 

That said though, I am pleased to have celebrated this 4th of July in Florida with my children and new friends and have made another collection of memories to look back upon and write about.

 

 

 

Monday
Jun282010

The Please Do Not Ring Doorbell Sign - A Christmas Stocking St uffer

I'd like to introduce you to my Please Do Not Ring Doorbell sign because it puts you in control of your doorbell. We all know the many times the ringing of your doorbell means the end of yours or your baby's or toddler's nap that hasn't even begun.  How often have you or your baby been awakened by the shrill of the doorbell?  The Please Do Not Ring Doorbell sign or the Please Do Not Ring Doorbell Baby Sleeping sign placed above your doorbell will stop your interrupted sleep, and that of your baby or toddler.  Also, if you are a nighttime worker, a caregiver, doctor, nurse, firefighter, policeman or any other nighttime worker who is a daytime sleeper you will have the choice of having your doorbell rung or not.

Your elegant Doorbell Sign will compliment your doorbell and is so easy to install without screws or drills.  Just "peel and stick" the small (1.7" X 1/2") hardy but discreet base port to your wall above the doorbell and place the removable doorbell sign (2.1/4" x 2.1/4") on the base port whenever you need some daytime sleep. For convenience, when not in use, store it on your refrigerator for quick access.

Please click HERE  for PRICES and to BUY your Doorbell Sign - see more themes and designs to choose from. 

   

 

 

Click on Pictures to Enlarge

Choose from following designs or go HERE to see more exciting designs or to BUY:

 

 

 

 

 

to view more designs and see PRICES and to BUY  your do not ring doorbell sign click HERE  

Wednesday
Jun022010

The Dining-Room Table Unifies Family and Friends and all Five Senses 

I've always considered the dining-room table as the center of a home.  It's the heart, if you will.  It is the place where people coalesce for the sustenance of body and mind; where food is enjoyed, conversation stimulated and where board games and cards entertain. The dining-room table is a place where the happenings of the day are shared, discussions are embraced, decisions are made and where laughter rings out. 

 

The dining-room table connects the family because it connects all the five senses. From the moment, the aroma that curls around our nostrils, to the holding of hands in prayers of thanks, to the taste of food on our tongues, we are engaged with one another like at no other time during the day or night.

 

Yes, indeed, the dining-room table forges a togetherness that is quite unique and very precious.  A togetherness that should be encouraged and nurtured

 

Before coming to America I had an octagon shaped dining-room table that seated 12 people quite comfortably in a circle.  It wasn't easy to pass the salt directly across the width of the circle so good manners were definitely enforced by passing the salt around the table from person to person, nonetheless, its "roundness" promoted intimacy.  I loved that table and have many, many very happy, nostalgic memories of sharing all the above elements, namely, all five senses, with very dear family and friends. 

 

Regrettably I was unable to bring that dining-room table with me to America but nonetheless, it has been replaced with a long dining-room table which seats 8 with ease, 10 with a slight squeeze and I share it with my family and new friends.

 

My unsolicited advice to anyone starting a family or those who want to strengthen their family relations and interactions is to make gathering around the dining-room table an important part of your lives.

                                                                                                                     

It really doesn't matter what shape it is.  As long as it is big enough to seat the family and a friend or two.  As long as it has comfortable chairs on which people can feel happy to enjoy hours of conversation or games.  As long as it can be decorated, whether simply or elaborately to appeal to the senses, and is inviting to sit at.  As long as the household rule to sit at it for meals is unwaveringly maintained, and undisturbed by television or outside distractions, the dining-room table will remain a steadfast and stable enhancement to the senses and a unifier of family and friends.

 

Tuesday
Jun012010

Wildlife in a Johannesburg, South Africa Garden vs Wildlife in a Florida, USA Garden

When I came to America, and even to this day, when people learn I am originally from South Africa, I am asked if I had lions walking in my garden.  Whilst South Africa has many wildlife or game reserves (as it is known in Africa) where the "big five", lion, leopard, elephant, buffalo and rhino are free to roam and hunt, the Kruger Park being the biggest at approximately 217 miles in length and 33 miles in width, I never saw wildlife in my city garden in South Africa as I do at my city home in Florida.

 

It's true that whilst in Africa, I have experienced waking up to elephants pulling down trees and drinking out of the hotel pool but that was in Zimbabwe along the banks of Lake Kariba and my husband was chased by these same elephant while videoing them but no, never in South Africa in the cities outside the fenced off wildlife/game reserves.

 

On the other hand, at my home in Florida apart from the grey squirrels, which, of course, are abundant here, I've had raccoons, armadillos, opossums, pelicans, owls, egrets, falcons, hawks, bald eagles and once a black bear visit and take a stroll through my garden and I live in a very busy vibrant city in a county with a population of about 413,000.

 

Having said that, it came as no surprise while typing at my computer on Sunday, that a large turtle should come walking past the glass sliding doors of my study.  Fortunately, the batteries in my camera were charged (unlike the time the large black bear came lumbering through my garden a few years ago) and I dashed outside to take a few pictures.  We do live next to a very large lake so I can only assume he was taking a break from the water!

 

 

 

Sunday
May022010

Give Those You Love Lifetime Moments

I never really knew when I was little that my father was an incredibly unique and skilled watchmaker.  I know that there were always people with frowning brows and sad eyes knocking at our door with watches in their hands and my father's warm, friendly smile that said "trust me" would reassure them that he would fix their precious watches or clocks.  

 

I know too, that they came from far and wide on a recommendation from a friend or family.  I often heard them saying:  "I drove two hours on my friend Jimmy's recommendation because no one has been able to fix my watch and he said if anyone could you could." 

 

Dedicated to his craft as a watchmaker, he loved working on watches the most.  Clocks were not his favorite.  His biggest dislike was for cuckoo clocks and the glass dome mantel clocks.  He disliked their mechanisms but he always got them to work. I, on the other hand, loved it when someone brought one of those black forest German cuckoo clocks to be fixed.  We didn't have one and for a week or two after it was fixed it would hang on a special hook on the kitchen wall and I got to pull the chains of the heavy black pine-cone shaped weights to keep them ticking and "cuckooing".

 

Living in the home of a watchmaker can make the dead of night quite noisy.  Well some would say noisy, others would say musical.  The many clocks would tick tock and chime or gong on the hour and half hour and often some were not quite to the minute so that they would not all go at once but some would end as another started and others would delay their announcements by a minute or two or three. 

 

Most often though, it was the arrival of a new clock on the mantelpiece or wall for testing after being repaired that would be the discord in the night. Its sound would penetrate the realm of sleep and awaken me and I would count the chimes or the gongs as the hours ticked away.  I was often able to tell my father that a clock was losing or gaining time by their chiming not coinciding with our own "spot on" timepieces.

 

The positive aspect of having so many clocks around was that I learned to tell the time long, long before I learned the ABC.  My best teacher was the roman numerical clock encased in a long wooden box with a huge round brass pendulum that swung rhythmically left to right on the wall in our kitchen.  I also loved climbing up on the kitchen dresser to swing open the clock's glass door and insert the large brass key into the two holes in its face to wind it up.

 

The most enjoyable part of my father being a watchmaker was when I was allowed to sit on a stool beside his workbench and either watch him at work or be given an old junk clock to "fix". I would talk and ask questions and he would answer while clenching the  black eye loupe between his eyebrow and cheekbone and focusing on the intricate and tiny parts in the watch he was working on.

 

With steady fingers he would unscrew the tiny screws and remove the parts with a very sharp-nosed tweezers and study them for a few minutes before either dumping them into a fine meshed cage that got lowered into a bottle of cleaning solution in a machine or throwing them out if they were damaged.  If a part had to be replaced and it usually was the mainspring, he would take a new part from a little capsule that looked like a clear pill capsule which was kept in a tagged compartment in a wooden box or from a small 2"x 2" envelope with the part number on it.  Sometimes he would drop the part and it would jump and shoot over the workbench surface onto the floor and we could spend upwards of an hour on all fours looking for it. 

 

That was fun for me.  Like a treasure hunt and I loved to be the one to find the lost part.  One time the part fell into one of the turned up cuffs of my father's gray flannels and it was my mother who suggested, after exhausting all possibilities, that he search in there. 

 

Another fun activity was the hour long train trip I took with my father to Johannesburg every two months to replenish watch parts from a jewelry store.  I would get to ride on the train with its green leather seats and walk in the big city from the Johannesburg Station down the long never ending Rissik Street to the corner of Eloff and Commissioner Streets and we always stopped off along the way at a café for a coke float.

 

As these long forgotten memories of a watchmaker and father who passed on forty years ago, return, it reminds me that sometimes it’s the simplest things and moments that we share with our children or the people we love that can be a joy at the time of their happening and also years later when remembered.

 

It also all ties in with my previous article "As A Mom Speak Up" where I advocate children having free time to learn by doing things with one or the other parent.  Every moment spent with children is a learning encounter and when that encounter is laced with love, it is a precious one, a lifetime one.

Thursday
Apr082010

Allergies and how Carpets help

It is Spring and allergy time for many.  I am one of the people affected by the oak's yellow pollen and try not to spend too much time outdoors during the month of March and early April.  Keeping floating allergens in the air to a bear minimum has always been a top priority in my home and one way is to have carpeting as the main floor covering.  Yes, you have heard right.  CARPETING in place of hard floor is GOOD for those who suffer from allergies.

 

We have heard a lot about how bad carpets are for allergies but there are some really good advantages for those with allergies if they have carpets fitted.  Carpets attract and trap floating particles in their carpet fibers and hold them until you get a vacuum cleaner to safely suck them away.

 

Hard floors on the otherhand, have no way to trap and hold particles or animal hair so every time the air comes on or the fan twirls or you walk over the hard floors, you stir those particles that have settled on the surface, back up into the air.  This means that to eliminate those offending particles or dust or hair you have to wet clean the hard floors many times a day to stop the floating allergens from circulating and re-circulating in the air.

 

Many people say that cleaning is easier and cheaper when the floors are made of wood, stone or tile.  I would say that spills are easier to wipe up but generally, hard floors are a great deal more work to keep free of dust and dirt on a day to day basis than carpeted floors because with allergies, you have to wet wipe away that dust every day from hard floors to keep the air clean.  Sweeping is not an option because with each stroke of the brush, small particles will float into the air and slowly settle once again.

 

In my mind, carpets are definitely allergy friendly.  They'll be happy to trap and hold the dust and allergens from circulating in the air until you vacuum them safely up.  Fans and walking won't get them scurring into space.  As long as you use a vacuum cleaner with a good strong suction and vacuum the carpets twice a week, you will have less particles floating in the air to tickle your nose and get the sneezing and watery eyes going than if you have hard floors.

 

Tuesday
Mar232010

Children's Creative Imaginative Adventures

I remember those adventurous days when a large three foot tall steel drum, cut in half, formed the best boat you have ever seen, to navigate an imaginary river.  It would rock from side to side with our bodies flung left to right in quick unison as the "boat" shifted, inch by inch across a small area of the dirt yard strewn with large pebbles which, in our minds, were great big rocks that persisted in ramming our "boat".  Squeals of "look out" and "we're going to fall out and drown" could be heard as we desperately clung to the side of the "boat" as it nearly tipped over completely, spilling us onto the gritty dirt. 

 

This was not a scene on a farm or even a large plot of land but in the backyard of our suburban homes under the sprawling branches of a great fir tree which never allowed the grass to grow beneath its shaded canopy.  Its branches swaying with the breeze causing wavy shadows of "water" to flow on the patch that became our rippling river.

 

That was a day in my childhood.  Then TV arrived but that did not stop my children. They too played their imaginary games despite the TV's enticing "He Man", "Thunder Cats" and "The Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtles" or "My Little Pony" programs.  Yes, they watched and collected those figurines with their castles and paraphernalia and they did play indoors with these characters with their friends but they played outdoors too. 

 

They climbed the trees in the garden and scrambled up six foot walls and walked "tight rope" along them and they played endlessly in their sandpit. The sandpit was a hole in the ground two feet deep, three foot wide and five foot long filled with builder's sand.  One time when the sandpit was low on sand, we filled it with water and they had a mud bath and a "mud throwing fight". 

 

All these outdoor activities were in the heat of summer with no thought of staying indoors in the coolness of air-conditioning.

 

Do children still play this way?  I have to wonder.  I have lived in Florida for sixteen years and have never seen children playing outside in an imaginative way.  Yes they have swum in the pool or ridden on their bikes or shot hoops or flipped on skateboards but none have climbed trees or built imaginative boats or raced each other in wooden boxes with rickety wheels pretending to be Spiderman, He Man, Tinkerbell or a racing car hero.

 

Is it because of lawsuits and threats from child services if kids hurt themselves and fear by their parents that they would be accused of child abuse or perhaps homeowner's associations that want to keep the neighborhood straight-laced and proper?  I really have no idea except to say that I would find it rather sad if that were to be the case. Sad that children may no longer learn from creating something from nothing, something in which the mind and the whole body can participate using only their imaginations. Are these creative imaginative adventures dead for children of the 21st century?

Thursday
Feb252010

The Vitamin Supplementary Regulatory Bill

I, like most people, have many political opinions and am very tempted to launch into a political opinion journal, but I never intended my website to become a political platform, there are quite enough of those, until now.  I find it very difficult to hold back when it comes to Vitamins.  I am a huge believer in Vitamin Supplements for a healthy life and have taken large quantities of vitamins every day for many many years without ill effects and with HUGE benefits to both my family and myself.

 

Now Senator John McCain wants the FDA to get involved in regulating the Vitamin Industry and has introduced the Dietary Supplement Safety Act, S.3002.  That infuriates me. When will the government stop regulating everything?  They have regulated us into oblivion and then some and they always use our safety as an excuse to remove more and more of our freedoms. 

 

We have done just fine as far as vitamin safety is concerned for at least the 38 years that I have been taking vitamin supplements but now Senator John McCain and his cosponsor(s) want the FDA to regulate the potency of vitamin supplements to be more in line with the European Food Safety Authority and institute more controls.  What ridiculous nonsense is this?  Since when has the European Food Safety Authority become our Big Daddy and why are we being tucked under the FDA's wing as though we are little children needing guidance in choosing what vitamins and what potency we need for ourselves. 

 

I have to ask: Senator McCain are you so afraid of your safety in whatever essential minerals and vitamins you may be taking that you need to ask the FDA to tell you what they think is best for you?  Do you think the supplements that are designed to improve and keep you healthy and prevent you from becoming ill need to be regulated for the safety of your health?  Did you know that Vitamins HELP you to avoid taking those dangerous medications that the FDA does approve of?  Why on earth would you purposely want to regulate vitamin supplements and essential minerals and herbs? 

 

Why, Senator McCain would you want to make robots out of us?  Why do you want the government to have complete control over our lives in the preposterously innocent guise of safety?   How nonsensical is that?

 

 

Friday
Feb052010

Scientific Studies and Common Sense

On the victim of a bully.

Another case of science bumping common sense out of the equation.

I read an article online a couple of days ago (unfortunately I didn't save it) about studies on why some children get bullied and how these victims can change their demeanor to become more acceptable. It stuck in the back of my mind until this evening when I finally had time to think about it and why it rankled.  Bullies were being excused for their behavior. 

Suddenly it was the victim to blame for lacking "social skills" and parents were being advised on how they could teach their victimized children to share and be socially acceptable to the bullies of this world.  

Is it only me, I thought, or are there other Moms out there who reject such an absurd idea;  reject the premise that a child who is bullied, somehow, through a subtle lack of social skills "asks" to be bullied and rejected because of their little nuances of possibly not seeing that their behavior is irritating the bully. 

Wow!  I do hope there aren't any foolish Moms who follow this idea simply because the article referenced scientific studies done by psychologists.  My goodness, common sense tells us that it is the bully that should be studied if anyone is going to be studied.  That it is the bully who lacks social skills and needs to be taught to share. 

It seems to me that in the rush to explain bad behavior in some people, it is expedient to find something in the victim that "forced" the perpetrator to act badly towards them.  How convenient.  Just think about how that can play out throughout life if we allow the bullies the "benefit of the doubt" and train the more timid of us to do everything to placate the bully's actions.

Tell that to a battered wife, a parent of a murdered child or a rape victim or a bombing victim. That way one is excusing the wife abuser, murderer, the rapist and the terrorist.  They are all just bullies who are irritated by what the victim does or doesn't do to them or because they simply couldn't get their way.

I reckon that is suggestive psychology at its worst.  I wonder if these people ever study common sense but I guess if you can't put a picture, a scientific equation or the right question to it, it doesn't exit.  Who can explain what common sense is?  It just is!  Some have an abundance of it and some, sadly, have absolutely none.

 

 

Tuesday
Jan122010

God's Hand Turns The World

God was particularly careful and precise when He created the earth wasn't He?

He placed it exactly where it would get heat from the sun and tide movement from the moon.

He gave it air and gravity and sunshine and rain.

He worked in the seasons and a cyclical traverse that causes natural occurrences and vegetation and plant to thrive and die and thus forge elements according to His plan.

He created it all so that man could construct shelters and be able to cook and have heat from coal and gas and wood and oil and he added gold and silver, diamonds and copper for man to prosper.

He gave man meat and fish to eat, trees laden with fruit and soil to grow food.

Yes, God loves the earth and it is not man in his wisdom or lack of it who'll "save" or "destroy" it because God in His wisdom has been and will be the one to chart its course.

It is, after all, God's Hand that turns the World.

 

Monday
Dec212009

The Spirit of Christmas - a dedication to my Brother

Yesterday I made a Christmas Pudding.  I haven't made one in many years.  Mainly because I haven't really seen the ingredients for one while in the U.S., but I came across a bag of Safari Cake Mix from South Africa on the shelf at the International Food Store …… mmm…. I seem to be giving them a plug here!!!  Anyway, although it was pricy, its contents of sultanas, golden sultanas, seedless raisins, currents and candied citrus peel in variable proportions all contribute to the flavor of, what I know as, a darn tasty Christmas Pudding and I wanted to enjoy a homemade Christmas favorite. 

I also made meringues and will glue two together with thickly whipped cream as part of dessert on Christmas Day.  It is a McMonagle Christmas tradition to have homemade meringues and cream for Christmas Dinner.  That and Roast Leg of Lamb.  Those two items are our specialty.

The Christmas Tree has been trimmed in gold and red and though its only about 6' 3" this year as opposed to the 8' one of last year, it fills the "Christmas Tree Spot" perfectly with its merry lights. The lighted houses and tea light candle holders surrounded with fake snow, send wisps of light and flame dancing across the living room.  The Christmas stockings are hanging from the mantle and in every nook and cranny there are snowmen, Santa, holly and elves.

The bright red Christmas plates and bowls, placemats and coasters, salt and pepper shakers and napkins stand ready for the Christmas Day fare and in true South African tradition, the box of Christmas Crackers wait to take their place as a prominent part of the Christmas Dinner Table.  They will amuse and delight with their snaps, jokes and paper hats.

Lastly but most important of all, in a corner of the fireplace the nativity figurines are carefully placed around the baby Jesus, reminding us what Christmas is really all about.

Without Him, none of the above would exist and with Him in our hearts at this time, the wonderful Spirit of Christmas comes alive. 

It’s the time of the year when giving is so much bigger than receiving and whether the giving and receiving is large or small nothing can mean anything without the spirit of Christmas to touch us.

It is within this Spirit of Christmas that I dedicate this page to my dearest beloved and only brother who is in hospital at this time wrestling with Mesothelioma cancer and repeated surgeries.  Although you are 10,000 miles away, in my mind, you are as close as if you were but in the next room.  I "see" all the Christmases we had together, with all the trimmings and trappings but it is the spirit of family and togetherness that I feel more than anything else.  Memory must surely be one of God's finest gifts.  What joy to see you and hear your laughter even when you cannot be with us and we cannot be with you.  

Merry Christmas dear brother.

Saturday
Dec052009

A Poem Dedicated to my Daughter

You Are My Daughter

 

There are things in my life that I can do without

but I never, never want to be without you

You are the light of my day and joy of my night

you bring sun beams into every corner of my life

You are my daughter

 

Your smile, your laughter, your spirited disposition

transforms every moment, every situation

to something vibrant and quite exceptional

and your honesty and integrity is definitely admirable

You are my daughter

 

You can articulate and argue with passion

yet your sensitivity and thoughtfulness has no comparison

you are indeed the sweetest, prettiest girl I know

with charm and grace you exude a golden glow

You are my daughter

 

And not to mention your songful voice

would be a crime I would not commit by choice

for it can enthrall and thrill an amphitheatre

Yes, indeed, I am really proud you are my daughter!

 by Pamela McMonagle ©2009

Friday
Nov272009

Be A Christmas Store Not A Holiday Store And Say Merry Christmas, Not Happy Holidays

To each and every store that I might shop at, I'll be most offended if you do not wish me a Merry Christmas and also if you totally ignore that Christmas is what prompts the vast majority of gift buying and not the "holidays".

 

If you take Christmas out of the "Holiday", what holiday do you have?  Oh, I know, maybe you're referring to New Year's Day!  We don't say Happy Holiday on Independence Day nor do we say Happy Holiday for Thanksgiving Day.  I see no reason to say Happy Holiday for Christmas Day.

 

Some would rather that the 25th of December be a holiday without naming the holiday and the reason for the holiday.  For years they have been defining the cards, the lights and the trees and gifts as "holiday fare" yet the very reason for them is the holiday we know as Christmas. 

 

It's even difficult to find the words Christmas Card on the packs of seasonal greetings cards and, lately, the Christmas Tree has become the "holiday tree". When will manufacturers and retailers learn that we want Christmas Cards, Christmas Lights, Christmas Ornaments and Christmas Trees to celebrate Christmas Day and the Christmas Season!  When will they realize that the majority of people in America and Europe are Christians, be they active or not. We are not "Holiday" Shoppers, we are Christmas Shoppers.  When will they realize that to us it is Merry Christmas or Happy Christmas, not Happy Holidays, that brings all these things together not the "non offensive" word Holiday.

 

Be proud to wish your Christian friends a wonderful Christmas, don't hide it behind "happy holidays" as though there is something to be ashamed of.  We're not ashamed of Christmas, we love Christmas, we're ashamed of those who try hide it in the shadow of neutrality.   

 

Maybe its time to add the true Christmas Carols like "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem", "Once in Royal David's City", "The First Noel" and "Silent Night" to the other Christmas songs in your store.  Make a difference because most of your shoppers really care that Christ was born and want to celebrate His birthday when they shop for Christmas presents and prepare for Christmas Day.

 

Stop catering to the minority and embrace the majority!!

 

Saturday
Nov072009

Grateful for Accutane (Roaccutane)

It is 21 years ago since I first heard about Accutane (Roaccutane, as it is known outside of America) and 20 years since I decided to take a course of Accutane pills to rid myself of acne. 

 

I was well out of my teens, married with a son of eight and daughter of five and still I had large blind acne lumps continually appearing and lingering for weeks on my face; many times persistently reappearing in the same spot.  They were painful and unsightly and leaving pitted scars.  For years I had gone from one dermatologist to the next for help. I'd spent an inordinate amount of money on lotions and potions both over-the-counter and prescription and taken course after course of tetracyclines, all to no avail.  The acne did not abate and the scarring was an added torment. 

 

When my five year old daughter was in hospital for suspected encephalitis and her nurse's eyes kept straying to the huge boil-like spot between my eyebrows, I made the decision to see my dermatologist about going on Accutane.

 

The physician I consulted explained the pros and cons of Accutane and how important it was not to become pregnant because of serious deformities in the baby and how I would need to have regular blood tests to check my liver.  I also had to visit him each month so that he could monitor my progress and he stressed that I should call him if I was concerned about anything no matter how small or had any untoward symptoms.   Notwithstanding that Accutane was extremely costly and my medical didn't cover it and it was also a potent medication that is not to be taken lightly, I decided to go ahead with the treatment.

 

Everything went beautifully until the third month when I woke up one morning and found I had arthritic pains in all my joints.  I called my dermatologist and he reduced the dosage.  He said I would probably only have a 92% cure rather than a 100% one.  I was a little disappointed to hear that.  Within a few days of lowering the Accutane dosage, however, the pains disappeared and I was able to continue using Accutane till the end of the treatment period of 4 months. 

 

One of the nicest things I experienced while on Accutane was the dryness of my hair which had always been exceptionally oily and thus needed to be washed every day.  The worst experience, of course, was the painful joints and very dry lips but I also had a grumpy feeling about me which is not part of my normal disposition.

 

As I said, it has been twenty years since I took that course of Accutane and though I have very occasionally experienced a small bump on my face, it has disappeared within a day or two.  I still have some acne scars but nothing like it would have been had I not taken Accutane.  

 

While I am very grateful that Accutane was available to me to stop the pain and indignity of my acne, I know it is not for everyone. For me, it was one of the best things I have ever done and I will always hold Accutane in high regard.  The joy of being acne free for the past twenty years is immeasurable.

Tuesday
Oct132009

Where Have All The Disposable Plastic Grocery Bags Gone?

What would we do without those lightweight disposable plastic grocery bags? Imagine if they no longer exist. Imagine if they get banned from all shopping centers!  Horror of all horrors!  Suddenly we wouldn't have any plastic bags to reuse for the dogs poop or the baby's disposable diapers - ugh - that could cause a problem!  A smelly one.

 

What about those clean-eaten chicken bones and T Bones and lamb and pork chop bones that you store in used plastic grocery bags inside the freezer until the next garbage pick up?  No used plastic grocery bags for placing shoes in when travelling or going to the gym or soft ball practice and what about wet clothes and swim wear? What will we do with those on the drive home from the beach or a friend's house?  For those of you blessed with orange, lemon or other fruit trees and bushes, who so willingly share this bounty with neighbors and friends by the bagful, what would you use instead of those handy plastic reusuable grocery bags?

 

Recently we moved into a new house and found that the backyard is shaped like a pudding bowl and is prone to flooding to the extent that in a summer downpour it licks the sliding doors into the family room.  My husband conveniently and as a temporary measure, until we can sort the bowl part out, used grocery bags as sandbags to keep the water out of our home.  What a useful item the grocery bag is! 

 

I would certainly be lost without a used grocery bag to put the wet umbrella into and those wet snow and ice removing implements and gloves which would have to be stuck on the carpet in the trunk.  Oh and what about a "garbage" bag for the car especially on a long trip and there is always the spare used ones I keep in the glove compartment in case one of the kids throw up from car sickness.  Then there's the waste bins in the bathrooms and bedrooms  - no recycled used grocery liners for those!

 

Of course I could always start buying more boxes of baggies or dinkum trash liners but that would be using new bags for the above uses which are always pretty much taken care of by saving the disposable plastic grocery bags.  Besides, they wouldn't be big enough and certainly won't be able to be tied securely to keep out smells without those bothersome wire ties.

 

I also often wonder how hygienic these new reusable polyester and nylon bags are when they get used over and over across check out counters and in shopping carts and in the trunk with fresh food.  Of course people may diligently wash them and let them drip-dry in their bathrooms or something, every time they're used.  I read a report that staph bacteria binds to polyester pretty strongly and that two thirds of shopping carts tested had fecal matter on them.  Not very kosher at all!

 

You know, it kind of reminds me of a time when doctors didn't use gloves to perform surgeries and how the invention of disposable gloves saved so many lives because of bacteria not being transferred.

 

Oh and if the grocers decide to keep offering the indispensable disposal plastic grocery bags but start charging a fee for them, they will definitely add money to their pockets.  What a bonus for them!  They already have the bags priced into each item. 

 

Needless to say, I do not shop at stores who don't offer free disposable plastic shopping bags because I'm really afraid I'll run out of reusable plastic disposable bags doing my shopping that way!!  I can't imagine using new clear plastic bags for the above uses.  Can you?

 

Seriously though, if you're not into washing and drying and storing and remembering to drag fabric or so-called "green" bags with you for your weekly groceries and think you'll use paper over plastic, you'd be wise to study more about it because it actually costs environmentally more to produce and deliver paper bags than it does plastic. Also, these new stronger "green" polyester and nylon bags, they too will end up on the landfill and they will take infinitely longer to decompose.  For those who don't want to use disposable plastic bags - that's okay with me.  I respect your decision.  I do hope you'll respect mine and that I don’t want to pay double for my plastic bags but if I really have to, I will.  In the long run, it will be environmentally cheaper than using new plastic bags for those "old" conveniences.