Following on my article in my journal entitled "The Joy of Parenting", I thought I should clarify the difference between a parent who remains loving and caring of their adult children and a parent whose love and caring becomes interfering and manipulative. Some parents selfishly believe they have every right to run the lives of their grown children. They disguise their selfishness in the cloak of "I'm only thinking of your wellbeing" attitude when they interfere and manipulate and they even convince themselves that what they are doing is the right thing for their child.
When a child becomes an adult, especially one well into their twenties, trying to get them to do things the parent's way by manipulation and often times outright blackmail, shows the parent's immaturity more than their child's. Adult children should be able to make their own decisions and if these decisions are not their parent's way of doing things, the parent should let it go, unless it is very harmful to their child's health, because if they don't, they are trying to act as their child's crutch and in so doing, they're not being responsible parents.
Interfering, manipulative parents voice their opinion regardless as to whether they have been asked and don't care one ounce about their offspring's feelings. Their need to have their own feelings, needs, desires and aspirations satisfied are paramount and all that count.
They see their way as the only way because it makes them feel good and they seldom stop to think that their actions upset and hurt their children. Oftentimes, sadly, their manipulation is subtle in the form of tiny prods here and there. They're always grabbing the steering wheel and steering their children in the direction they want them to go.
Loving parents let go and don't step on their child's stage of life. They remain in the wings to offer words of encouragement or comfort or a "safety net" and only give advice when asked.
The balance between a loving parent voicing an opinion and an interfering parent is a fine one. In my opinion, if you can discern the difference and use it to bring happiness to your child, you've made the grade as a parent. A truly loving parent.
P.S. The above article is dedicated to my late mother. A woman who never interfered, ever; before or after I married. Thank you Mom
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